“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe
Do you recall as young child when you were all dressed up for some fancy occasion and your mother gave you the run down of your expected behavior? You know.....you're in your finest most uncomfortable clothing, on your way to impress some boss or clergy or rich relative (ok...this one never really happens to us normal folks) and your mother lectures you on the do's and don'ts when you arrive at the destination. As a kid....all you can think of is how miserable you are in your fancy clothes and how much you want to run around be yourself. When you finally arrive, even your parents are acting like people you don't know. AND WHY??????? to impress people even THEY don't like?!?!?!
As I move through life hopefully maturing and learning, one of the greatest lessons I have learned is to accept my flaws and always be myself. Marilyn's words make me think of the many ways people in our lives can put expectations on us to perform a certain way like our well meaning parents did when we were children.
Disclaimer: I am not referring to academics or sports or activities. I believe if our children WANT to participate in sports or other activities then they should always do their best. And of course as parents it is our responsibility to expect our kids to try their hardest in school.
ALSO, I am NOT referring to immoral behavior. I'm talking about society's unhealthy need to impress the masses with refined and oppressed personalities, houses, cars, money, clothes, things etc.
We pile up layers of expectations from others that we collect over the years, and try to live up to nearly everyone of them. And then when we fall short (of other's expectations).... we are faced with ridicule, gossip and disdain.
When I was a child.... I was always getting in trouble for saying "I don't care" My grandmother would get so mad at me, but couldn't figure out how to punish me for it, other than to tell me to stop ( she would deny this today, though FREQUENTLY will tell my mother that I "don't care" ). I wasn't saying " I don't care" because I don't care.... What I was saying was "It's fine" , "I'm comfortable with that" , "I don't need to impress" , "I have no opinion on that one way or another" etc. Even as a young child I knew that accepting my many flaws was a far better way to live than try to impress people who chose to ignore their many flaws.
As an adult, I have come to realize that I still don't care. I reflect back on the choices I made in life and very few were based on the unreasonable expectations of the people who were in charge of "molding" me. I made choices based on the immediate needs and expectations of the people currently in my life who I was responsible for. IF that appears to fall in the category of " I don't care" then so be it.... I DON'T CARE. DO NOT misinterpret my "I DON'T care" attitude to mean that in my life I made STUPID choices and don't care. Quite the contrary! Allow me to reitereate that I MADE CHOICES....some BAD for MANY people that I would change if I could, but I did them based on where my life was at the time and the NEEDS of the people I love.
I live ...9where MOST of you who know me know0, SMACK in the middle of the SAME BLOCK on the SAME STREET I grew up on. I have NO intentions of impressing a bunch of people who though I respect immensely, are NOT in charge of my happiness.
YUPP, our yard and the outside of our property is somewhat in dissaray, and YUPP, my girls, though beautiful in my eyes can be a true handful, but praise God and knock on wood, have not gotten into any trouble, and YUPP, our dogs bark.... and OH MY the dogs....CRAP in my yard.... but I DON'T care! Bu.t I pick it up...eventually
I am loved by the people who matter the most. My GIRLS are loved by their parents who have been to their own personal hell and back and survived. ( JUST LIKE MOST OF YOU...but YOU hide it....act like YOU'RE ALL PERFECT ....like bad stuff ONLY happens to "bad" people)
When I say "I don't care" What I really mean is, I live by My God, I obey the law, I LOVE LOVE LOVE my husband and kids and family and friends. I mean I don't care if YOU or ANYONE else thinks I am less than what YOU expect of me....
When I say "I don't care" I mean....SO WHAT if your son/daughter is a drug addict....SO WHAT if the bank foreclosed on your house???? SO WHAT if your cable/phone is shut off....you think you are alone in that predicament????? IF you REALLY knew me, you'd know that I DON'T judge... I DON'T care... the only one who cares is YOU and YOU only care because people YOU don't really care about may talk crap on you. LET THEM GO!!!!!
When I say "I don't care" I mean YOU go ahead and dress to impress, manicure your toes, your life, your wardrobe, your lawn to the nines, attended church weekly because you think it will get you a one way ticket to heaven, buy your kids expensive clothes, cars and toys, join that country club and make sure you kiss every single ass of every single influential person you know.... If THAT is what makes you happy, I DON'T CARE....because YOUR happiness.... though critical to YOUR life, is only good if YOU are really happy.
So, are you happy? Or are you just caring because you think it somehow matters? IF you are exactly where YOU want to be....I am SO DAMN JEALOUS! IF you are NOT where YOU want to be... take a seat or a number, because we are ALL standing in a line trying make SOMEONE else...responsible for our happiness.... (you get THAT? YOU are waiting for someone other than YOU to make YOU happy!??????)
Going to see Malorie play soccer and Morgan cheer and/or play soccer make me happy because THEY are happy.... NOT because their participation makes ME or their Dad that much more "popular".... waking up every morning knowing my husband is snoring peacefully aside of me makes me happy, Having few but precious friends makes me happy, Going to church makes ME and my family happy! NOT because I give a CRAP about the other people in the church.... NOT caring that my front porch, house or back yard could use a clean up.... well that is part of my genetic make up.... way more important things than .... cleaning!!!....
I am NOT suggesting you "lower your happiness standards" I am only suggesting that we as a society "care less" about the things that really don't matter and that we "care more" about the things that REALLY keep us going through the day....
Ultimatley, I DO CARE because I want my place to look nice... BUT I DON'T care ... because I have Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more important things to do... Like a 4 hour kayak ride with friends and family.... 99.9% of the time, I DON'T care about my house, yard etc... because I would rather have the experience of kayaking (or whatever REALLY makes you happy) than miss it.... (even though my freaking elbows STILL hurt from that kayak trip!!!!)
I DON'T CARE....
GET it?
Today's word:
Arachibutyrophobia:
One having fear about peanut butter sticking to the mouth roof
totally legit fear.... just saying...
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